The IRS requires you to declare "Stolen Property" on your tax return

See Page 90 of publication 17 here (note: links a PDF file). Under the heading of 'other income' there is a section entitled 'stolen property'. It says: 'If you steal property, you must report its fair market value in your income in the year you steal it unless in that year you return it to its rightful owner!'

Well... I hope this means that I can also declare my new lock-picking tools as occupational expenses!